I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
