is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
