Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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