is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
