You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My vagina just recognized that song.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize