On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
