Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
