Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
