oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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