no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
