I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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