I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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