Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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