Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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