It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
