So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
