i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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