Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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