i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
