So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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