Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My friends, they love my intelligence
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
