You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
