I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
