not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
