Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
