Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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