I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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