How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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