So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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