at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
