What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize