i just had sex bonerless
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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