whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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