He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
