make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
