Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
