I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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