i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
