I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
