your room smells of hookers.
And success
You can't motorboat a personality
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
