Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize