What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
