Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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