I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
