I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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