If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
