what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Randomize