I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
