So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
