The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
