Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Vodka?
Forever.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
