I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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