Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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