if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
