my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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