don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize