I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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