At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize