Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize