He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
