so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Randomize
