i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
