finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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