I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
