Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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