Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
