So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
