I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
