You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
